“People’s lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.”​ ~ Tony Robbins

Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt that the people around you were not in alignment with whom you wanted to be, a time when you had no positive role model to look up to, a time when the people you hung around never supported you? Maybe you were in a destructive relationship with someone who didn’t help your goals and ambition, or maybe your friends didn’t `get` your goals and purpose?

You know we all tend to remain in situations that do not serve us, relationships that are dragging us down, being around people who don’t bring out the best in us. It wasn’t until one specific event happened that made me realize enough was enough. I don’t know how my life had got me to that point, but I knew the day after it happened, I would never put myself in a position to allow anything like that to happen again.

At this time in my life, I was going nowhere, I had no direction and had pretty much lost my way. I was 17 years of age. I had left my parents’ home and was living in a bedsit with my then 27-year-old boyfriend. All he did was surf and take drugs and would often encourage me to do the same. I was at 6th form college, but this never lasted long given that I didn’t know what time of day it was half the time. The next couple of years of my life were a blur. I dropped out of college. I worked in x2 jobs, and when I was not at work I was high (not sure how I managed to hold down two jobs – but I’ve always been a `grafter` as my Grandad would say) I had no positive role model. I grew up in the Northeast of England, and I do not remember being around at this stage in my life people who motivated me and inspired me to want to be greater.

Upgrading my peer group after `the` event was easy for me. I stopped smoking cannabis and taking all other drugs. I started to mix with a different crowd. I enrolled in college to get my qualifications to go to university. I then met a wonderful guy who loved me unconditionally for me. He showed me that life was precious and beautiful and opened my heart to possibility.

Are you where you want to be in life?  

It is said we are an average of the five people that we spend most of our time. Who do you allow into your world? Are they people that you admire, that you aspire to be like, do they support you? Motivate you?

Once you establish a positive peer group evaluate it periodically because as we expand, change and grow, our peer group needs to do the same. I am not suggesting that you ditch your friends when you feel they no longer serve you but realize that we have different friends for different reasons and as you evolve in life, so will your peer group.

  1. Write down the five people that you spend most of your time – ask yourself, do they support you, encourage you, are your goals and ambitions aligned?
  2. Separate your friends into groups and allocate specific time that you should spend with each group.
  3. Work on expanding your peer group. What motivates you in life? What do you want most out of life? Attend courses and groups that include people who have the same aspirations as you, ie. If you’re going to be a speaker, go to speaking groups and so on.



  1. We are an average of the five people that we spend most of our time with… this sentence made me cry, not sure why but you definitely opened my eyes to the situation I live in today. Thank you

  2. PAT, thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I am glad it resonated with you. I hope it helps you to make the adjustments you need to make in your life. Much Love Zoe

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